Finding Your Voice
As I sit down to write, I am daunted by how frozen I am in uncertainty about
what I want to write, share, and talk about. Its not that I
don't have a lot to say. It is the consideration or fear that I don't
know enough about anything to presume that I am qualified to put it out in a
public forum.
It's not that I don't have a voice, but that I allow my fears to keep me
from speaking. Who is to say, though, that I don't have exactly the right
thing to say, in a way that you might very much need to hear just now?
And who's to say that you don't have, on the tip of your pen, what I need to
hear?
So I must trust and move through the fear that "I'm not
enough." I've been alive and learning for more than forty
years. I've made a lot of mistakes during that time and those mistakes
have taught me a lot. For as long as I can remember I've been
self-reflective, wondering about the "Whys?" and "What ifs?"
"What is true?" "Where do I fit in?" "Who
am I?"
What if I were to just trust that I too am an essential part of the
plan? Fully vested in ownership of my little shard of
this infinitely faceted reflecting mirror that we call the universe.
What if I trusted that my voice matters? Even though it
is different from the dominant voices. Even if the timing, content
and sound of others' words are different. Instead, I am frozen in a sea
of doubts instead of believing that what I have to say has value and meaning,
by virtue of having a unique perspective on reality as an individual.
Not many of us receive respect for our unique perspectives as
children. On the contrary, we are usually told "be
quiet." So we spend our lives trying to prove we have something
worthwhile to say, trying to prove that we, ourselves, are worthwhile. We
struggle to "succeed," hoarding degrees and lists of accomplishments
or woes as our credentials, for which we hope to be finally listened to.
Is it any wonder that we become afraid to speak our hearts and trust our
voices?
The most prevalent phobia in our society is the fear of public
speaking. More so than the fear of the dark, heights, flying, or even
dying. Fear of speaking ranks right up there with the fear of
intimacy!
As children, many of us were shamed, made fun of or embarrassed by our
parents, older siblings and classmates for speaking out of turn, making
mistakes, or sometimes, for just being so brazen as to open our mouths at
all. Yet I, for one, still want to believe that what I think
might matter. I know that when I hear someone speaking their truth, I
respect them if I feel they are speaking their own considered truth, and not
just an attitude that they took from their parents or the media.
The human body must be one of the finest sensing and processing systems ever
created. Every cell in our bodies senses and communicates information to
the rest of our organism. We have access to the wisdom and experience of
the collective unconscious. Our body/mind processes and stores every
shred of our experience. We ride this constantly changing net of energy and
information through our entire lifetime. We reflect, we build, and we
plan. Of course we have something to say!
Modern physicists explain now, as the Hindus have said for thousands of
years that we exist within a web - matrix. We live in a universe whose
elements are completely interconnected through space and time. My actions
and my words matter outside of me. So do yours. The threads of our
lives are joined and affect each other. We are all connected, woven into
the same fabric.
Who we are is miraculous - each one of us - every
bit of us. If, out of this Wonder comes the urge to speak, perhaps I
should give myself a little air time, and listen more closely when you do.
By Bob Drake
March 3, 1996